Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Why It Does Not Pay To Be A Stalker

Okay ... so I don't actually know the answer to that from personal experience. It was something snarky, that I thought was funny, that popped into my head as a response to a challenge I encountered today for articles. One of the many things I've been up to today. (as an aside: if you are a writer, looking for a forum, check out the article challenge at http://weebls-stuff.com, which also has spectacular flash animations.) If they do not publish it, I may publish it here eventually; it has something to do with garbage, pickles, and GPS locators.

Today has been the second big day of web updates. I got my own little flash animation to work. I am so proud. (Stupid "file" where it wasn't supposed to be, grrrrr!) I am, however, supposed to be doing homework. I have two online classes: both educational psychology, one on gifted and talented education and another on knowing, learning, and thinking. Both interesting, but both requiring time to do homework. Alas. I suppose there's always the vague and distant hope that I will, someday, learn to take on a manageable amount of projects. But, until then ...

All of this is leading up to my launch of (and procrastination surrounding) my very own eBay store. I had, at one time, harbored visions of selling things directly on my website, and I still may, but this seemed like the more practical way to get more people to view the items and to forestall the anticipated pain that will be adding a checkout system to my website (which, I'm sure, will turn out to be just as easy as adding this blog.)

So, for those of you who are looking for it, waiting for it - it is coming and when I become an internationally famous jewelry and lampwork designer, just remember that it does not pay to be a stalker.


  1. Well, I have not heard back from Weebl's people; either they're still in awe or they thought the essay was slightly less than savory. I will post it below for your literary amusement.

  2. Why It Does Not Pay to Be A Stalker.
    By Julie Bowen

    Few people have given much thought to the investment of time and energy it requires to be a stalker, thank goodness. For those of you on the fence, however, I would like to give a compelling argument why it does not pay to be a stalker. A stalker – any stalker – needs a victim. Sure, that gorgeous cheerleader, garbage collector, or rock-star-flash-animator may seem like a good target, but I guarantee there’s very little about them that fits the ideal you have molded in your mind.

    For argument’s sake let us assume that you have decided, potential flaws and all, to pursue your prey. How will you go about collecting all of the little tidbits you need to confirm or disprove whatever you believe you will learn about them? This is the tricky part, the difference between a poor and a great stalker. Sure, you could just go through their trash. I bet your lawyer will have barely any ethical qualms about keeping you out of jail. But, let’s be honest with each other. First, trash smells and that rancid fish carcass could mean any number of things. Second, if you are bothering with stalking someone, you probably want to know more than what you will find in his or her trash.

    Now we are talking about what it takes to be a good stalker. This is someone on track to really creep people out, finding out more intimate details of your quarry. As a good stalker you might follow them as they shop to see where they buy their clothes, food, and diuretics. You know a lot more than a poor stalker, but do you really know enough?

    In the end, to make the time in prison really worthwhile, a stalker needs to be great. To become a great stalker you need gadgets. You need the GPS trackers, phone bugs, and costumes to impersonate any number of professionals – plumber, tarot card reader, or pizza delivery person. Honestly, if you do not know whether they wear Channel or Joe Boxer underwear, or the exact number of moles on their body, what is the point? But there is a high price tag on gaining intimate details of this nature. When is the last time you had your military-grade binoculars serviced? If you want to lurk in that tree beside their bedroom window you really should get a tree surgeon’s license. Ultimately, if someone does not or will not get to know you well enough so you can get this information without stalking them, they are not worth the outlay in cash and time to stalk them the proper way.

    If, for some reason, my rhetoric has left something to be desired and you remain unconvinced I only ask that you remember this: if Johnnie Cochran could keep O.J. from the slammer, there is a chance he could help you, too … at least he could have, if a stalker hadn’t killed him.

  3. So, no, Johnnie Cochran was not killed by a stalker, but I thought it really made the story.