Sunday, March 18, 2007

Today I Made Beads

I wish I could tell you the last time I had time to sit down and make beads. It was at least two weeks ago, despite the fact that this previous week was my "Spring Break" from school - which was, instead, filled with compositions of cover letters, resume editing, searching for job postings, and subbing at Wayzata Central Middle School ... 'cause, you know, we need to eat, and stuff.

Sean looks at our bank account in disappointment, like I enjoy being poor; not that I blame him, but I feel the frustration, too! At least he has time to play video games when he's not at work. I'm always working, studying, trying to pay some attention to Sean ... So, today, I made beads. I wish I could say it was a joyous occasion, given the lapse in time it's been. Instead, it was a reminder that, apparently, no matter how hard I work, it's not enough. There are days I question my dismissal of living as a hermit more than others. The harder one strives to break away from social constraints, like the dreary life of a 9-5 job for 50 weeks out of the year with someone telling you what to do, the more the invisible hand of the masses pushes it into your face as if to say "you think you can live your dream of enjoying the thing that earns you money? Think again!" The 9-5 doesn't look more appealing, quite yet. I'm certain I would begin some very anti-social behavior in short order. However, my frustration with the financial success of others with their comparatively less effort and ambition, compared to my poverty with great efforts to the contrary, is beginning to wear on me.

So, if anyone has any thoughts of bitterness they wish to share ...

Sunday, March 4, 2007

The Dormant Blog

Humm ... I'm not very good at keeping up with this, am I? My good friend, let's call him Andre (again, protecting the names of the innocent) an impressively intelligent Ph.D. candidate in his final year at Ohio State, has brought this to my attention. At least I can legitimately argue that I'm consistently bad in all forms of electronic communication :)

So, what has kept me from posting? School mostly. Trying to create and gather the items I want to list in my new (but completely empty) eBay store - slightly. Paying attention to my husband - quite a bit. Feeling exhausted - tons. When my mom learned about my blog and read the first posts she said: your readers want to know about your creative process. I wish I could say that it was a mystical combination of meditation, application of visual design theory, and inspiration; mostly it's the manifestation of frustration and borderline insanity. It's whatever comes out, as the creative process is my release from a cycle of increasing tension in the rest of my life (as well as the more business-related aspects of the creative process). In some small way, by buying my work, one could say that you helped save my life, as each piece is part of ensuring I don't completely abandon myself to the deep end.

I have a related-but-unrelated point about electrical wiring in rental properties. I recently purchased an oxygen concentrator so I wouldn't have to keep buying tanked oxygen to run my torch. (The torch is to melt the glass rods with which I make my beads, or the small jewelers torch with which I solder sterling silver components.) The concentrator, of course, runs of electricity, as does my kiln. (the kiln is on at 950 degrees F while I make beads, into which I place finished beads, to ensure that stress fractures, caused by too-rapid cooling, do not develop in the beads. When I'm done with a bead-making session, my kiln is programmed to run through an annealing cycle, which eliminates any stress points that developed while I was making the bead.) If I want to make elaborate beads, which is often the case, both the kiln and concentrator need to be running at the same time. I get about an hour, maybe two, before the fuse blows, unless every other item on the circut, including lights, are turned off - impossible when Sean is home or it is getting late, or I need my computer on to check posts for my online classes. Being in a townhome where I cannot rewire has turned the convenience of an oxygen concentrator into an inconvenience, which is extraordinarily frustrating! GrRRRRrRRRRrrrr!

Finally, today is my half-birthday! For those of you unfamiliar with half-birthdays, it is the day exactly between your last birthday and your next birthday, or the day you get to say you're something-and-a-half-years-old. Happy half-birthday to me! I want my half cake!