Sunday, March 18, 2007

Today I Made Beads

I wish I could tell you the last time I had time to sit down and make beads. It was at least two weeks ago, despite the fact that this previous week was my "Spring Break" from school - which was, instead, filled with compositions of cover letters, resume editing, searching for job postings, and subbing at Wayzata Central Middle School ... 'cause, you know, we need to eat, and stuff.

Sean looks at our bank account in disappointment, like I enjoy being poor; not that I blame him, but I feel the frustration, too! At least he has time to play video games when he's not at work. I'm always working, studying, trying to pay some attention to Sean ... So, today, I made beads. I wish I could say it was a joyous occasion, given the lapse in time it's been. Instead, it was a reminder that, apparently, no matter how hard I work, it's not enough. There are days I question my dismissal of living as a hermit more than others. The harder one strives to break away from social constraints, like the dreary life of a 9-5 job for 50 weeks out of the year with someone telling you what to do, the more the invisible hand of the masses pushes it into your face as if to say "you think you can live your dream of enjoying the thing that earns you money? Think again!" The 9-5 doesn't look more appealing, quite yet. I'm certain I would begin some very anti-social behavior in short order. However, my frustration with the financial success of others with their comparatively less effort and ambition, compared to my poverty with great efforts to the contrary, is beginning to wear on me.

So, if anyone has any thoughts of bitterness they wish to share ...

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